The Seven Inches Test Their Mettle

by The Seven Inches

supported by
/
  • Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

     £5 GBP  or more

     

  • Compact Disc (CD)

    In a 4 panel cardboard sleeve, with artwork by singer Ian Cockburn

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Seven Inches Test Their Mettle via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 1 day

     £7 GBP or more

     

1.
04:21
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
04:00
9.
10.
03:51
11.
12.
13.
03:07

credits

released May 13, 2016

Recorded and Mixed by Ross Halden at Ghost Town, Leeds
Mastered by Tom Woodhead at Hippocratic

Emil Andrews – Trumpet
Emily Clavering-Lee – Vocals and keyboards
Ian Cockburn – Vocals
Shaun Day – Guitar
Bryn Hans – Drums
Tim Ireland – Bass
Owen Radford-Lloyd – Guitar

All songs by the Seven Inches (lyrics by Ian)
Other instruments were played by members of the cast.
Backing vocals by the group and (on track 11) Sarah Bayles, Sue Collier, Peter Hudspith, Emma Parker and Ian Pepper.

Thanks to former members Lucy Canter, Emily Jane Graves, Rachael Rix-Moore, Nigel Townshend, and especially Alice Hubley who wrote the music for “Here Comes the Storm” and some other contributions to the older songs we dusted off for this album. Thanks also to Mark Sturdy, Rosie Parsons, Hazel Smoczynska and all all our families and loved ones.

Art by Ian, photos by Rosie Parsons

tags

license

all rights reserved

feeds

feeds for this album, this artist

about

The Seven Inches Leeds, UK

The Seven Inches have long been heroes amongst Leeds’ indiepop and DIY scenes, winning hearts everywhere with their bizarre onstage props, trumpets, synths and cardboard keytars. If this makes them sound like some self-conscious novelty act, rest assured that nothing could be further from the truth – The Seven Inches play it from the heart every time. ... more

contact / help

Contact The Seven Inches

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: Elodie
I was so lonely, I needed someone close
Like Elodie, like Elodie
Someone so lovely, as warm as toast
Like Elodie, like Elodie
We were on the greyhound, heading for Alberta
When I saw her across the aisle I wished I was a flirter

I’m from England, she was from France
Oh Elodie, oh Elodie
We sat in silence, I was entranced
With Elodie, with Elodie
The rockies were amazing, the sun shone on the snow
The pines were green the lakes were blue her eyes were so aglow

We started talking but didn’t say “je t’aime”
Oh Elodie, oh Elodie
I hit Vancouver at five A.M.
With Elodie, with Elodie
Max the boy from Quebec was our friend and our translator
We all went around Stanley Park and saw an alligator

I saw the gallery, I saw the steam clock
With Elodie, with Elodie
I saw the gardens and all the Chinese shops
With Elodie, with Elodie
I finally told her how I felt, in French just like I planned it
Her reply sounded so beautiful but I couldn’t understand it

She had a boyfriend, so she was out of reach
Oh Elodie, oh Elodie 
I sat and night-time round a bonfire on the beach
With Elodie, with Elodie
We snuggled in a tent for warmth I wanted just to hold her
She seemed more huggable and warm the more the night got colder

When we parted, she gave me a diary
Oh Elodie, oh Elodie
We got drunk on ale and daiquaris
Oh Elodie, oh Elodie
I wondered if I‘d ever see her in some other city
If the spell would still be there or if she’d still be as pretty

Her eyes were soulful, her smile was like a beam
Oh Elodie, oh Elodie
The whole week was like a fever dream
Oh Elodie, oh Elodie

Next time I saw her was in Paris
Oh Elodie, oh Elodie
She was single, I was embarrassed
Oh Elodie, oh Elodie
I wonder what depths I’d find if I could know her better
But French still gives me headaches even writing just one letter
Track Name: I'm Such A Klutz
I've got every advantage in upbringing and health
Sometimes I even envy myself
But I'm still somehow two cards short of a deck
Everything I touch ends up lost or wrecked

But maybe you're new hope for me
An upturn in the slope for me
A rose-tinted telescope for me
Totally full of rock n roll like Newcastle is full of coal

Maybe you're my hideaway
Maybe national cider day
Maybe Cole Porter's “Night and Day”
Well you can see that I'm a nut who's totally devoted- but

I'm such a klutz- I always screw up
I'm such a klutz- I run amuck
I'm such a klutz- everyone duck
I really hope you're looking for the clumsiest schmuck

Maybe you're my roaring stove
Maybe you're my olive grove
Maybe my rugged rocky cove
In my heart of heart of hearts, the beating's gone right off the chart

Maybe it's no accident
Our match rating's at maximum
Except that you like saxophones
But before we start rejoicing there's one doubt I must be voicing: That:

I'm such a klutz- I always screw up
I'm such a klutz- I run amuck
I'm such a klutz- everyone duck
I really hope you're looking for the clumsiest schmuck
Track Name: Blessing In Disguise
Oh, oh, what's the matter
Oh, oh, what's the matter
Everything breaks
Everything breaks
like my tape recorder
like my tape recorder
I've lost the means
To make demo tapes
But here comes Mr know-it-all
Saying to be stoical
Smell roses more

“Maybe it's
A blessing that's in disguise
Listen to the testament of the wise
It's good you can't record your stuff yet
You know it doesn't sound good enough yet
Maybe it's
A blessing that's in disguise
Benediction in affliction's guise
When you get to record your nuggets
They'll be more likely to cut it”

But everything's breaking
Yes everything's breaking
My freezer door
Just will not close
And all that was in it
In store for my dinner
Has come unfroze
Has come unfroze
My stereo has croaked
My boiler's up in smoke
My vacuum choked

“Maybe it's
A blessing that's in disguise
You'll eat more fresh food and fewer pies
Instead of messing 'round on the internet
You could read Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Maybe it's
A blessing that's in disguise
Cut off from your musical supplies
You'll be forced to learn accordion
Gain the band a whole new audience”

I hear it, the motion you propose
Silver linings in my tattered clothes
But there's one misfortune I suppose is
Unquellable by smelling roses
The girl I love more than the sea
Has decided not to be with me
She's left me in abject misery
Oh woe is me

“Maybe it's-”
STOP!
Don't tell me
It's a blessing disguised as a curse
'Cause you know sometimes the more things go bad
The more they actually get worse!

Maybe it's
A curse disguised as a blessing
Disguised as a curse
Double bluffing
Maybe the silver lining is just tin
The famous roses are paper and thin
Maybe it's
A wolf dressed in wolf's clothes
An ill wild just blowing its nose
Every cloud has a silver razorblade
Life gives me lemons but no aid
Track Name: Music For Travel Agents
Oh how I long to sail away now
How I long to sail away

To a beautiful beach
Far out of reach
Of vagabonds and vandals
A drink in my hand
and the silvery sand
Sliding through my sandals

Oh how I long to sail away now
How I long to sail away

To a sunrise somewhere
My face in your hair
Smelling your sun lotion
To jump into seas
That don’t make me freeze
The warmest in the ocean

Everyone knows that the sun never sets
On dreamers and lovers with travellers' cheques
So come my dearest darling and sail away with me
Track Name: Everything's Sex
Everything's Sex
You say 
I'm so repressed 
That "apart from drugs and cigarettes 
There's really nothing more to life than sex! 
every book mankind's churned out, 
It's what every sentence is really about" 
But if that's the way 
That you feel 
Then I say 
How come you're so surprised 
When you get so depressed? 
Is it any wonder you're depressed?
If everything has a subtext 
On the subject by which we're all possessed 
'cause there's really nothing more to life than sex! 
The bombing of 
Third world nations 
Is all about sexual frustration
And when lives get wrecked? 
Well, that's just a side-effect 
Then how come you're so surprised 
When you get so depressed? 
Is it any wonder you're depressed?

If the bed is not for rest 
And apart the birth 
That comes from it and death 
There's really nothing more to life than sex! 
If shagging is 
Our only mission, 
And love is
Just a euphemism, 
And political action
Is just a dull distraction, 
How come you're so surprised 
When you get so depressed? 
Is it any wonder you're depressed?
Track Name: Here Comes The Storm
Sunny days are over
Sunny days are over
It was so warm
It was so warm
My left knee is shaking
That big cloud is breaking
Now there's a storm
Now there's a storm

Winter has come
Clouds burst like bombs
We're pelted with such rain
Waking up to real pain
One love has failed
Lost in the gale
One day I'll get to start again

I should have foreseen this attack
Should have brought an anorak
My soaking vest
Clings to my chest
Now I'm hanging on the mast
Ship is flying in the blast
How i capsize
Spray in my eyes

Feeling so ill
Beaten ten-nil
But i'd hate to always win
Then i'd never feel a thing
Joy cannot be
Without misery
I can't let myself give in

Maybe there's a reason
Happiness has seasons
Like weathervanes
Waxes and wanes
The romance that just turned sour
Had the lifespan of a flower
Came in the Spring
Gone with the wind

It's all a storm
It won't last long
Though it thunders with such force
I must try to keep my course
Don't let me sink
Don't let me think
Of never getting out of this

Here comes the storm
Here comes the storm
Track Name: Best Job In The World
There's not a moment to waste
There's not a moment to lose
Let's get going baby
It's a white-knuckle chase
Not a luxury cruise
Can't be slowing baby

Everyone wants you to flop
Because they want your job

The best job in the world today
The best job in the world today
Guess it must be the best to be worth this stress
The best job in the world today
The best job in the world today
Guess it must be the peak judging by your shriek

There's not a moment to waste
There's not a moment to lose
We gotta make time baby
If we're not making haste
I'll be blowing a fuse
No more break time baby

Your pension depends upon you
And mine does too

The best job in the world today
The best job in the world today
Guess it must be the best to be worth this stress
The best job in the world today
The best job in the world today
Guess it must be the peak judging by your shriek

You know you gotta hang on tight
You know you gotta do it right
You know you gotta hang in tough
You know you gotta do your stuff

There's not a moment to waste
There's not a moment to lose
Get a move on dear
If we slacken our pace
We'll be yesterday's news
With a souvenir

Of

The best job in the world today
The best job in the world today
Guess it must be the best to be worth this stress
The best job in the world today
The best job in the world today
Guess it must be the peak judging by your shriek

The best job in the world today
The best job in the world today
Guess this must be the summit, am I ready to plummet?
The best job in the world today
The best job in the world today
That's it, I quit!
Track Name: Happiness
I live in peacetime, I've money enough
The shop I work in sells really nice stuff
I love cooking while listening to songs
Nobody hurts me, nothing goes wrong
I love to eat and walk and think and drink and breathe and talk
I love to dance and sing and paint and draw and everything

When I'm lonely, my friends cheer me up
they make me happy, run over my cup
The only sadness that seems to stay
Is I can't take their sadness away

Oh I could try but I confess
I don't know how to do it best

oh no, oh yes
I want to spread my happiness
oh no, oh yes
I want to spread my happiness

the friends I live with are the best I've ever had
it's not fair that I'm happy when they're sad
I know the records that take my cares away
would just annoy you 'cos I play them every day

Oh how I'd jump and scream and shout
if that could help to share it out, but

oh no, oh yes
I want to spread my happiness
oh no, oh yes
I want to spread my happiness

I don't know what to make you for your tea
I'm still in search for the perfect recipe
I feel so happy, I feel so blessed
But I can't share my happiness

I wish that I could make you feel
The way you always make me feel, but

oh no, oh yes
I want to spread my happiness
oh no, oh yes
I want to spread my happiness
oh no, oh yes
I want to spread my happiness
oh no, oh yes
I want to spread my happiness
Track Name: Stop Pestering Me
She:
Hello Mister
I don't love you
I like you though
But stop pestering me
Stop pestering me
'Cause that's as far it goes
You may say I'm being harsh
But it's harsh to be fair
It's fair to tell you now
You'll get nowhere
If you can't be satisfied as my best friend
Then you'd better get prepared for the end.

Hey now mister
I don't love you
As I told you before
So stop pestering me
Stop pestering me
Or I won't like you no more
You may say I'm being cruel
But it's cruel to be kind
It's fair to tell you now
I won't change my mind
If you can't be satisfied as a confidant
You'd better be prepared for not getting what you want

He:
How could i leave it at that
When my love is true and strong
And when I fall in love
It only happens once
Would Lochinvar or Don Quixote
Give up so easily?
I have to strive forever
To win your love with poetry

She:
Hey now Mister
I don't want you
To take this the wrong way
But stop pestering me
Stop pestering me
I wish you'd go away
You're starting to obliterate our easy rapport
You're making me uncomfortable and being a bore
It's almost like talking to a big brick wall
Perhaps I'd say it better by saying nothing at all to you
Track Name: Bad Genes
Doc! Give me bad genes

I could have been infertile or blind
Hard of hearing with an unstable mind
I could have had a withered arm and a limp
I could have had the social nous of a chimp

But I'm almost perfect
Not to mention being straight and Caucasian
The geneticists made sure of that
Though my grandpa was a homo and Asian

Doc! Give me bad genes

I could have been asthmatic, autistic
A sulk, a stammerer or someone sadistic
And though I'm glad that these things don't all afflict me
One or two of them wouldn't have killed me

But I'm almost perfect
i really find it hard to relate
To ordinary mortals
Who hurt and ache and tremble and hate

Half my genes were just ones my parents chose
From a catalogue of spare embryos
And now I'm smart and strong and healthy and tall
In fact I'm not much like my parents at all

In fact I'm almost perfect
Isn't technology ace?
Unfortunately I can't stand
Being part of the new master race
Track Name: I Just Heard The News
I just heard the news
You finally got together
You are such a perfect match
You've both caught the perfect catch
Wish you happiness forever

Now the rumours are confirmed
I can't wait to take a picture
Of you kissing in the corner
At a party in the summer
Now that you're a fixture

And we are so happy for you
We are so happy for you
We are so happy for you
We are so happy for you

I just heard the news
You're no longer together
Oh, accept my sympathy
Guess it wasn't meant to be
Guess it couldn't last for ever

But I know you're strong
You'll soon be back and thriving
To be perfectly honest
I didn't think it had promise
I couldn't see your love surviving

And the same applies to us
Your breakup was strongly mooted
It was hard to comprehend
That you two were even friends
We didn't think you were well suited

And we knew he wasn't for you
We knew he wasn't for you
We knew he wasn't for you (oh what a moron)
We knew he wasn't for you

Let me commiserate
But your ex had some annoying traits
Let me corroborate
All the things you found to hate
I thought from your first date
What a clueless reprobate
Your new love, just you wait
Will be your love so great

I just heard the news
You got back together
Oh we always knew you would
You were on to something good
Wish you happiness for ever
Track Name: Once We're Out Of The Way
Once we're out of the way

Once we're out of the way
Earth ought to be OK
Ecosystems remade
If not there's all those other planets anyway

So why so distressed
About annihilation?
Earth probably needs a rest
It's been oh so patient

Once we're out of the way
For such will happen come what may
Earth will keep spinning on.
Till entropy means its day is done

So why your dismay?
Recall tyrannosaurus
He, too, once held sway
Now we're dinosaurless

The universe is so wide
And we're not the stars of the show
We've had our fun, well, some of us did
But one day we'll have to go
I know we're hard-wired to try
To survive, thrive, procreate
And forge a decent world for our descendants
But we're not doing great

Once we're out of the way
Let the hummingbird play
Let the ape have its day
Are we so important anyway?
Track Name: A New Friend
I still get excited
When quite uninvited
A new friend falls in my world
If I had more horse sense
I wouldn't want more friends
But I still like to be twirled
By a like-minded person new to me who takes the opportunity to say “well met”
Make one friend and then befriend all of her friends until you've got the entire court card set

Some collect rare stamps
Or novelty hairclamps
But I collect people to know
Keeping my old friends
While seeking untold friends
And trying not to make any foes
Yes and this new friend may lead to more new friends and then perhaps at last a paramour
'Cause friendships are great for their own sake but better yet If they lead to romance once more

As I've intimated
I still feel elated
When a new friend plays a new part
Not just anyone, mind
Not anyone unkind
But you and I clicked from the start

(Spare verse:
Some collect Dandys
Or ore from the Andes
Or players for their sticker-book team
The players that I hoard
Are people who high-scored
In clicking with me like a dream)